Thursday, April 8, 2010


My wife and I were talking about the current repairs needed to the truck and she mentioned that she thinks it might be trying to kill me.  The more I think about it, the more I believe it is true. 

To make this less confusing and to not infringe on Stephen King’s work, let’s call the truck Lucille.  “Anything so innocent and built like that just gotta be named Lucille.”

Lucille has on two separate occasions had a failure to major components while I was driving it.  The first incident happened in December.  I lost steering while on a busy highway coming home from a Christmas party.  I was driving alone, I had just dropped a friend off at his car.  I ended up driving about 10 miles with no power steering. 

The second incident was on Easter Sunday.  I explained that in a previous post.  According to the mechanic, the steel brake line leading to the left rear wheel burst and froze the brake cylinders in place, making it impossible for the brake to release.

I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I can recognize the facts when I see them and this situation seems to be filled with some eerie similarities.

Christine vs. Lucille:

  • Christine was a Plymouth Fury, Lucille is a Dodge Dakota. Both Chrysler products.
  • Christine was a 1958, Lucille is a 1998.
  • Christine was red and white, Lucille is red and silver.
  • Christine could have had 5.9L V8 (the model also available with a 5.2L and 5.7L), Lucille has a 5.9L V8.
  • Christine’s story took place in Monroeville, PA (around Pittsburgh).  Lucille came from PA too (around Philadelphia).
  • Both had crazy previous owners (just kidding, Bob, I don’t think you are crazy).
  • Christine’s previous owner’s initials were R.D.L. (Roland D. LeBey), Lucille’s previous owner’s initials are R.D.L.
  • Christine’s new owner was Arnie, Lucille’s new owner is Henry.
  • Christine was purchased for $250, Lucille was free (tax, title, tags, inspection, steering repairs and brake repairs brings my total cost to roughly $2,500).
  • Arnie’s girlfriend, Leigh, almost choked to death on a hamburger while sitting in Christine.  I burnt the roof of my mouth on a French fry while sitting in Lucille.
  • Arnie hurt his back pushing Christine back to the garage for repairs.  My back is sore because I sit in front of a computer for 12+ hours a day.
  • A month before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.  A month before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

The above facts are all true, I swear I did not make any of it up.  Actually, I am not sure about the Kennedy/Lincoln thing.  I can’t confirm that Lincoln was ever in Monroe, Maryland.

The truck is home again from the mechanic, waiting patiently in the driveway.  The front grill glints like a menacing smile in the morning sun.  I have survived so far.  I can only imagine what Lucille has in store for me next.

1 comment:

  1. You forgot to mention your father in law gave you the truck.. was it rigged from day one?