Monday, March 15, 2010

Ovum of the Gods

Spring brings rain, warmer weather, and the NHL playoffs (less than a month to go).  Spring also brings the most wonderful thing of all, the Cadbury Creme Egg.  This amazing confection has been a staple of my spring time diet for many years supplanting 3 Musketeers and Cadbury Caramello as my snack of choice. I’m not talking the caramel ones or the minieggs (although either will do in a pinch), I am talking about the chicken egg-sized milk chocolate shells with creamy fondant centers, the little ovum of the Gods. 
Cadbury Creme Eggs only grace our presence for a brief period every year and then disappear again at Easter.  They are a little like Easter in reverse, they appear around Ash Wednesday and then disappear at the same time Jesus is resurrected.  I wonder if Jesus and Cadbury Creme Eggs can’t be in the same place at the same time.  Maybe it will cause some apocalyptic convergence of awesomeness? 
I am doing research into the true story of the Last Supper because I believe that Jesus actually shared Cadbury Creme Eggs with the bread and said something like “Take this egg, all of you, and eat…On second thought, screw that.  Watch this all of you and see me eat this amazingly delicious egg...”  And that is why I choose to be a Catholic, because we all have Cadbury Creme Eggs and y’all don’t.  (Wait.  You don’t have to be Christian to purchase and consume Creme Eggs?  WTF, anyone know how to convert to Buddhism because this No Meat on Friday stuff is driving me a bit crazy?)
Aside from its religious connections, the great thing about Creme Eggs is that they can be eaten in various ways with little or no preparation at breakfast or anytime of the day.  Here are some tips to make your Cadbury Creme Egg season overflow with awesomeness:
  • Creme Eggs and Ham – wrap a Creme Egg in a slice ham
  • Creme Moons Over My Hammy – crack a Creme Egg over a grilled ham steak
  • No-Bake Jelly Belly Quiche – mix 1 Creme Egg with assorted Jelly Belly jelly beans and chocolate milk
  • Cadbury Shotgun – poke a hole in both ends of the Creme Egg and suck out the contents, leaving the milk chocolate shell for the end
  • Thin Mint Egg Sandwich – serve one Creme Egg between two Thin Mints.  This requires some skill and a large mouth, attempt it only when you are ready.  You can attempt with the mini Creme Eggs, but you lose a substantial bit of flavor.
  • Creme Pigs in a Blanket – wrap mini Creme Eggs in bacon as perfect appetizer or hors d’oeuvre for any occasion. Pro tip- make the bacon first or you will have a huge mess.
  • Pink Eye – crack a Creme Egg into a glass of Strawberry Quick or Strawberry Yoo-hoo.  This is the ultimate in hang over remedies
  • Lilliputian Style – crack the Creme Egg, either Big-Endian or Little-Endian depending on your own political persuasion, and eats the contents
WARNING: Please, under no circumstances, attempt to consume four or more Creme Eggs in one hour, even if a friend bets you that you can’t do it and offers to buy even more Cadbury Creme Eggs for you.  The sheer awesomenicity of four Creme Eggs can induce a state of hyper-reality where time seems to crawl similar to bullet time from the Matrix. This may be cool for you, but the others in your place of business may see it as a little odd when you demand to be called Neo and jump from cubicle to cubicle doing weird limbo type maneuvers.
Thank you, Easter Bunny.  Baawk-Baawk.

No comments:

Post a Comment